There’s this thing that happens when you’re really, truly overwhelmed. Everything kind of smears together into one impossible weight. The dishes in the sink and that email you still haven’t answered and the phone call you keep putting off and then the bigger stuff, the life stuff, the things you can’t even put words to. It all collapses into this single block of Too Much and you can’t figure out where to start because there isn’t a start. There’s just a wall.
I remember this one Saturday afternoon. I was sitting on my couch with laundry piled around me that I hadn’t touched, staring at my phone where seventeen messages sat unread, knowing I needed to do something but completely unable to move. My chest felt tight. My brain kept running through this inventory of all the ways I was falling short. And the worst part, the part that really got me, was this voice going other people handle this stuff. Other people manage their lives just fine. What’s wrong with you?
Nothing was wrong with me. And nothing’s wrong with you either. Sometimes life just stacks up faster than any human can reasonably deal with. The overwhelm isn’t a personality defect. It’s a signal. Your system is maxed out. That’s it.
But knowing that doesn’t always make moving any easier. So let’s talk about what actually helps when you’re stuck in that place where everything feels like too much and you can’t see any way through it.
When too many demands hit you at once, your brain kind of short-circuits. The part that handles planning and prioritizing gets hijacked by the part that’s scanning for danger. And to that survival part of your brain, “too much” reads as threat. So it does what brains do when they feel threatened. It freezes. Or panics. Or just shuts down entirely.
This is why you can look at a to-do list and feel completely paralyzed even though you’re a capable person who’s done hard things before. Your nervous system has switched into protection mode. And protection mode doesn’t care about productivity.
So the first thing to understand is this: you’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re overwhelmed. And that needs a different approach than just pushing harder.
When everything feels impossible, the instinct is to try tackling all of it at once. Make a master plan. Finally get your life together starting right now, today.
Please don’t do that.
When you’re overwhelmed, big plans make things worse. They just pile more pressure onto a system that’s already overloaded. What actually works is almost ridiculously small. So small it seems like it couldn’t possibly make a difference.
But it does.
I figured this out on a really bad day when I couldn’t make myself do anything at all. I’d been lying in bed for hours, frozen by all the things I should’ve been doing. Finally I struck this deal with myself: I would put one foot on the floor. That’s it. Not get up. Not shower. Not face the day. Just. One foot.
And I did it. And then since I was already there I put the other foot down too. And then I stood up. And then I walked to the bathroom. I didn’t plan any of it beyond that first tiny movement.
That’s the secret, if it even counts as one. When you’re drowning you don’t need a strategy for swimming across the whole ocean. You just need to get your head above water for one breath. Then the next one. Then the next.
I want to be specific here because I think we really underestimate how small we’re allowed to go.
If you can’t clean your whole kitchen, can you put one dish in the dishwasher? Not all of them. One.
If you can’t answer all your emails, can you open your inbox and just look at it for ten seconds? You don’t have to respond to anything. Just look.
If you can’t take a shower, can you wash your face? And if that’s too much, can you walk to the bathroom and stand there for a minute?
These aren’t failures. These are wins. When your system is overloaded, completing any action at all starts to crack the freeze response. It tells your brain: we can move. We’re not trapped.
And usually one small thing leads to another. Not because you forced it. Because motion tends to create more motion.
Here’s something nobody really tells you when you’re overwhelmed: you might have too much going on not because you’re bad at handling life, but because there’s genuinely too much going on.
Sometimes the question isn’t “how do I get all of this done?” Sometimes it’s “what can I put down?”
I know it’s complicated. Some things really can’t be dropped. Bills need paying, kids need feeding, certain things are simply non-negotiable. But often, tangled up with the real obligations, there are things we’re clinging to out of guilt or habit or because we’re scared of letting someone down.
That text you feel terrible about not answering? Maybe it can wait one more day. Or maybe the honest reply is just “I’m really behind on messages but I’m thinking of you.”
That commitment you made back when you were feeling stronger? Maybe it’s okay to back out. Maybe the world won’t collapse. Maybe the people who care about you will get it.
That standard you’re holding yourself to? Maybe it can come down a notch. Just for now. Maybe good enough really is good enough.
Overwhelm often isn’t about being incapable. It’s about trying to carry more than one person should be expected to carry. Setting something down isn’t quitting. It’s being honest about what’s actually sustainable.
I used to have this fantasy. If I could just get caught up. If I could clear my inbox and finish all my tasks and finally, finally be on top of everything, then I’d feel okay. Then the overwhelm would finally stop.
But here’s what I’ve come to realize: there is no “caught up.” Life keeps coming. New emails show up, new responsibilities appear, new problems emerge. The finish line keeps shifting because there isn’t a finish line.
That sounds bleak but it’s actually kind of freeing. Because if you can never truly catch up, you can stop killing yourself trying. You can stop treating your to-do list like some test you’re failing and start seeing it for what it really is: a running list of things that exist. Some will get done. Some won’t. The world keeps spinning regardless.
What if being okay has nothing to do with finishing everything? What if you could rest without having to earn it first?
If you’re in the thick of overwhelm and you need something concrete, here’s what’s helped me.
Breathe first. Three slow breaths before you do anything else. I know it sounds too simple. But it calms your nervous system just enough to think a little clearer.
Pick one thing. Not the most important thing. Just one thing you can actually do. Something small. Only do that thing.
Name what you’re feeling. Just putting a label on it helps dial down the intensity. Try saying out loud: “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now.” It creates this tiny sliver of space between you and the feeling.
Move your body. Even just standing up. Walking to another room. Overwhelm lives in the body and when you shift your physical state it helps shift the mental one too.
Give yourself permission to do less. Actually say the words: “I’m allowed to do less today. I’m allowed to just get through this.”
I want to leave you with this because maybe you need to hear it the way I needed to hear it.
You’re not behind. There’s no schedule you were supposed to be following, no timeline you’ve somehow fallen off of. That person who seems to have it all figured out? They don’t exist. Everyone is just doing what they can with what they’ve got.
The overwhelm you’re feeling right now is not permanent. It will shift. Not because you discovered the perfect system, but because feelings change. Hard days end. You’re more resilient than you give yourself credit for.
So for today, just do what you can. If what you can do is something very small, that’s fine. If what you can do is just breathe and make it through the next hour, that’s enough.
You’re not failing. You’re overwhelmed. And you’re still here. Still trying. That counts for something.
One breath. One step. One moment at a time.
You can do this.
